Great start, but way too many details...I can tell that you understand the concept of 'show don't tell', but there is a fine line between describing a character or scene and overloading the reader with every detail you can think of. It's fun to cut some of your adjectives and let the reader create a picture in their own mind. Less is more, and I like your story, but it would be even more amazing if you simplified everything, added more dialogue, and make it easier for people to read and enjoy. Good luck, friend! Keep writing! :)
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