There is this woman that my husband grew up with he hasn't seen her since they was 9 years old ?

I think I'd be just as upset as you are, however, I'd meet her. Be the bigger person than she is. If she gives you the same respect she gives him, then your probably in the clear. You don't have to be friends with her but at least you could see how they react to each other. You could also define the lines that friends should have with BOTH of them. You as his wife, have the right to get the respect you want from him. How would he feel if you did this? She should leave your husband alone. Theres more men in this world than your husband.